Fair warning, I'm very sentimental and it will show in this blog. I love to see the good in things. I can get angry and passionate, but I consider it a human reaction, I don't like it at all. I do like for people to like me, as I've said before. I can tear up at a sappy commercial, not just movies or shows. Not only did I tear up when Black Widow and Iron Man sacrificed themselves in the movies, I get all misty watching golden buzzer videos of America's Got Talent on YouTube. I like for people to be happy. I don't take rejection well because if I open up to you, you matter to me. And if I tell you I love you, know that it doesn't end if we have a fight or argument or anything for that matter. I love the good in things and love to love people.
That can be hard for some. It's hard for me. Not in a "pity me" way. I like that I am like that. Won't change, and I don't want it to. It bites me in the rear sometimes, but it's worth it.
Ok, so here's the sappy part. And just remember, don't judge me! (little joke, I promise.)
So tonight I'm watching the season one finale of Glee and remembering why I like that show. (I did warn you and asked you not to judge.) I teared up, cried tears. It was awesome. And I watched Mr. Shue and Puck play ukelele and sing one of my favorite songs (Somewhere Over the Rainbow), and just cried. Not boo hoo, mind you, but it felt right.
It's quite a juxtaposition for me from my night earlier. In a room full of men at church. Men who aren't necessarily used to sharing feelings and talking about how things affect them. They know it. But they do their best, and honestly are better at opening up than they give themselves credit for. I remember when I joined that group. I pre-judged them and figured I'd be an outsider of the group, not really fitting in because we don't have similar interests and experiences. I can tell you my past experience is completely foreign to all of them. Their experiences are foreign to me. It's so hard to understand. But we mesh, and mesh well. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if I walked into that room and needed it, I would have so much support they couldn't stand it. I hope they know they'd get the same from me. Not that we always say things that make us feel good; sometimes we have to tell each other things we don't like, out of love. There isn't much to go on that would put us in the same room normally. But here we are.
So why am I mentioning Glee while I talk about this group? Good question.
At the beginning of the season, the glee club in the show is only made up of five people. Five very different people. A diva who annoys people. A kid in a wheelchair. A girl so shy and anxious she fakes a stutter. A girl self-conscious about her weight. And the popular quarterback who can sing and the teacher tricks him into joining. Five kids who really don't belong together according to normal customs of high school. But here they are. Over the season they grow in numbers. A boy who is a trouble maker, cheerleaders, football players that aren't as popular, kids who think they are better than others, and any other different kind of person you can think of. Over the course of the season they get bullied, pulled down from the top of the popularity ranks, fight with each other, and act how you'd expect a group of people to act. But as they do, something happens. They realize they actually like each other, need each other, and appreciate the support they get from each other. In the penultimate episode of the season, one member, the star of the group honestly, gets bullied and attacked by a rival club from a rival school. The group is so angry and going to fight the other club. As the teacher tries to stop them, another student explains how they justify it. "Rachel is one of us, we're the only ones who get to humiliate her." Very pointed. I heard it and just said wow. Even when they don't agree and get on each other's nerves, they stick together. Not justifying them being mean to her, but they get it.
In the final episode, the club comes in last at their regional competition, which is supposed to mean no more glee club. The principal is ending the program. It hurts. But then the kids realize just who they are. Who they are as a group. What they mean to each other. How much they need each other. That they actually love each other. Of course in the end the principal changes his mind and they get to stay together. But in that moment as Mr. Shue sings Somewhere Over the Rainbow, they get it.
And I get it, too. That group of men has changed a little over the nearly three years I've been attending. We don't always agree. Sometimes we fuss. Sometimes we talk and sometimes we don't. Those kids had glee club in the show. We have something better: Jesus. One thing that brings together a group of men that may or may not be together without that is Jesus. It's a promise that no matter what happens we are eternally linked by a common gift, hope, and goal. A group of misfits almost. A group of people from vastly different backgrounds, experiences, beliefs, and ideas. And I feel comfortable enough to share with them and trust them implicitly. Even if we aren't speaking. It's special. And in the end, even if we aren't speaking now, we are eternally bonded. And even if we are fussing about nonsense, I'll still get all sentimental about it.
"Someday 'we'll' wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me."